|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| well, I originally posted this back in March, on National Self-Injury Awareness Day, and I thought I'd, well...raise awareness about self-harm by reposting this. disclaimer: (I know that today happens to be To Write Love on Her Arms Day, but I think the TWLOHA movement is totally gay and promotes cutting for attention and all that goes along with being a Hot Topic emo fag).
I started cutting when I was about 13 years old. It was my way of relieving the frustration stemming from never quite being good enough for my mom(or at least, it felt as if I was never good enough). It was my way of lashing out at her, since I couldn't fight back when she'd scream or, occasionally and increasingly, hit me. When I was 15 years old, my Dad died in a motorcycle accident, and I simply didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't know how to deal with the fact that I hadn't gotten to say goodbye, and I definitely didn't know how to deal with the fact that I had no where to turn now--the haven that had been his house, every other weekend, was gone. And more and more, my mom and I clashed. Cutting, for me, was about having control over something in my life. It was never about attention or a cry for help; I made sure no one saw the cuts(though there were a couple of times where concerned teachers saw my scars and sent me to the guidance counselor, or worse--to an outside psychologist). It was simply a form of release and an outpouring of anger. In recent years, I've cut less and less. I moved across the country when I was 18, went to college for a bit, and my mom is now one of my closest friends and confidantes. I can understand, in retrospect, that she has/had her own problems that compounded to contribute to her behavior. Nowadays, cutting is still a temptation, an urge that is there when I feel out of control, when I feel like I'm about to explode, and it is very hard to resist, but I haven't hurt myself in almost a month, and I know that cutting does not define me. I don't cover my scars anymore, and I get questions pretty regularly, to which I usually answer, "It's a long story." But I do have one instance I'd like to share: a year and a half ago, Jamie and I went into this small pet shop. the old gentleman who ran the place greeted us, and then spotted my arms. he asked, "What happened to your arms?", to which I gave my usual reply, "Oh, it's a long story". He asked, "Are you a cutter?", and I said, "Well, I was, back in high school, but that's all in the past.". Then he said, quite bluntly, "Aren't you ashamed?". okay. I was a little taken aback, but I recovered quickly and responded, "No. They're battle scars.". And that still stands--they are battle scars. I'm not proud of them, but I'm not ashamed either. they do not define me, but they are a part of who I am, and what I've been through. 
Have you ever self-harmed? Why? What do you say to those who ask you about your scars?
PLEASE, pass this on.
gina P.S--I'm sorry if I don't get a chance to respond to everyone's comments. know that your words mean a lot to me, and I just want this post to help all of you, as well.
| | |
| - mushroom 'salad' (50)
- light popcorn (55)
- veggie+barley+chicken soup x2 (75)
- lettuce+pomegranate salad (30)
- peanuts (110)
- pickled garlic (25)
- pistachios (130)
- almonds (120)
total: 595
and, of course, a DOUBLE cup of Senna(laxative) tea :)
(it wasn't so long ago that I was denouncing the effects of laxatives. and now? here I am, drinking a double cup of laxative tea every other day, to rid myself of the nuisances plaguing my bowels.)
12:50am. watching 'Will&Grace' and then the final episode of 'Iron Chef Japan', whilst drinking brandy+diet coke.
therapy tomorrow; can't afford yoga :(
BUT, I'll definitely be hitting the park or the gym. probably the gym. we're taking the fluffies(Izzy, Marley, Leela, and Albus) to my mother-in-law to have their butts shaved(yay for poop mishaps...NOT!).
//edit//
2:00am. f**k yea, Sakai!!! ^.^
g
| | |
| I was out cold when Jamie got up for work, so we didn't get to pump my bike tire :(
so, now I'm stuck with a decision: do laps at the dinky little pool, go to the gym, or be a complete bum today...and I really, really shouldn't bum out today, since I have to go to my granmom's house all day tomorrow, so no chance to workout unless I go to the gym at 11pm tomorrow night.
*sigh*
anyway, I don't have the scale with me(I had Jamie put it in the car so that I wouldn't be angsting), and I really want to know how much I weigh right now...
meh. time for some soup or salad, and then the gym, I guess :\
//edit//
4:45pm. pretty upset that other people monopolized the treadmill. I did 15min on the stationary bike @ 15.5mph, and 20min on the elliptical @ 15mph.
//edit//
6:55pm. UGH. shouldn't have touched those almonds and edamame. f**k. I want to be able to have my favorite snack at the movies later(2012 at midnight). I usually get a child-size popcorn with no added butter. I pour half of it(or more) in the trash, and add ranch seasoning.
actually, I just realized how many calories are in that ranch seasoning...and there's no hell of a way I'm buying popcorn at the movies again. I won't be able to resist the ranch, and I cannot put that crap in my body. now I don't know what to do. I don't even really want to go to the movies. how sad is that?
//edit//
12:55am. binged and purged. had to go and mess up my two-day streak of no purging. damnit all.
in:
- spinach-pomegranate salad x3 (180)
- 1/4 Clif bar (30)
- 4 almonds+dry-roasted edamame (85)
- light popcorn (35)
- lemon-sautèed spinach w. onions and garlic (15)
- veggie+wild rice+chicken soup (75)
- pistachios (130)
out:
- elliptical/stationary bike (-329)
total: 221
g
| | |
| yea, I just ate and ate and ate yesterday. the calorie count in my last post is actually accurate, and I still gained weight.
whatevs. no almonds/peanuts/edamame for me today, that's for damn sure.
had a job interview this morning; I think it went fairly well. afterward, I picked up a salad from Wildflower(which I am now consuming).
once Jamie heads off to work, I'm going to the park to get my workout over with. then it's time to do dishes/vacuum/clean house.
and zomg. Thomas f**king Keller is going to be at Sur la Table today. and I have no way to get there :(
(don't know who Keller is? look him up. the man is a culinary god.)
in:
- 2 bites of a Clif bar (30)
- small salad (40)
- spinach-cranberry salad (50)
- light popcorn (95)
- veggie+wild rice+chicken soup (75)
- carrots/celery/onions/almond slivers (45)
- mushroom 'salad' (40)
- almonds+edamame--oops (75)
- lettuce-cranberry salad (30)
- sautèed spinach w. garlic+onions (20)
out:
- elliptical/stationary bike/treadmill (-300)
- housework (-100)
- walking--0.7 miles (-63)
total: 37
//edit//
2:10pm. flat tire again today, and the pump is in Jamie's car(which, of course, is at work with him). so I was forced to go to the gym. accomplished:
- 10min on the elliptical @ 15mph
- 15min on the stationary bike @ 15.5mph
- 10min on the treadmill @ 3.7mph and 1.5º incline
now it's time to go clean house(and burn more calories, yay!). I'll be back to comment and catch up with you guys after all of my chores are done :p
//edit//
3:50pm. really wishing I had more brandy than I do right now. damn my bike's flat tire, and our dwindling funds. I may just say 'F it' and walk to the store and buy a mini bottle, or two. I feel like I deserve it after cleaning house.
hmm. well, for now, I'll make myself a salad.
by the way, is anything exciting happening with any of you today? :)
g
P.S-- check out THIS video, if you need a lift or some inspiration. hope your day is lovely and full of unexpected joys.
oh, and HERE is an awesome fitness website. like, seriously great :D
| | |
| Susan B. Anthony:
"Guilty? Yes. No matter what the motive, love of ease, or a desire to save from suffering the unborn innocent, the woman is awfully guilty who commits the deed. It will burden her conscience in life, it will burden her soul in death; But oh, thrice guilty is he who drove her to the desperation which impelled her to the crime!"
Abortion was referred to as "child murder."
The Revolution, 4(1):4 July 8, 1869
"We want prevention, not merely punishment. We must reach the root of the evil...It is practiced by those whose inmost souls revolt from the dreadful deed."
The Revolution, 4(1):4 July 8, 1869
"All the articles on this subject that I have read have been from men. They denounce women as alone guilty, and never include man in any plans for the remedy."
The Revolution, 4(1):4 July 8, 1869
-----------------------------------
Elizabeth Cady Stanton:
She classified abortion as a form of "infanticide."
The Revolution, 1(5):1, February 5, 1868
"When we consider that women are treated as property, it is degrading to women that we should treat our children as property to be disposed of as we see fit."
Letter to Julia Ward Howe, October 16, 1873, recorded in Howe's diary at Harvard University Library
"There must be a remedy even for such a crying evil as this. But where shall it be found, at least where begin, if not in the complete enfranchisement and elevation of women?"
The Revolution, 1(10):146-7 March 12, 1868
------------------------------------
Mattie Brinkerhoff:
"When a man steals to satisfy hunger, we may safely conclude that there is something wrong in society - so when a woman destroys the life of her unborn child, it is an evidence that either by education or circumstances she has been greatly wronged."
The Revolution, 4(9):138-9 September 2, 1869
-------------------------------------
Victoria Woodhull:
"Every woman knows that if she were free, she would never bear an unwished-for child, nor think of murdering one before its birth."
Wheeling, West Virginia Evening Standard, November 17, 1875
--------------------------------------
Sarah Norton:
"Child murderers practice their profession without let or hindrance, and open infant butcheries unquestioned...Is there no remedy for all this ante-natal child murder?...Perhaps there will come a time when...an unmarried mother will not be despised because of her motherhood...and when the right of the unborn to be born will not be denied or interfered with."
Woodhull's and Claffin's Weekly, November 19, 1870
---------------------------------------
Alice Paul:
"Abortion is the ultimate exploitation of women."
_____________________________________________________
http://www.feministsforLIFE.org
because women deserve BETTER than abortion.
for those who have an interest in science, and human development: http://www.ehd.org/science_main.php?level=i
| | |
|
